you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
