So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are all done wearing pants today
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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