Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
