I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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