Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
