I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
