the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
