Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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