I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
