Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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