Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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