Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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