you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
