Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
