he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
