you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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