yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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