I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
