i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize