Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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