walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
