i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
