yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
