chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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