Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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