You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
