when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
