I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
