Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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