let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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