Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We need to rekindle our bromance
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
