Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Enjoy the penises
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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