Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
