smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize