So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
