Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
