i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
