At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
