He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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