i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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