P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
