I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
