i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize