I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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