Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is wine microwaveable?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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