Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
