I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Text me some of your sweat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
