I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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