I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
