You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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