Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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