A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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