You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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