U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
