They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
