I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
