I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
