The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
