So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
