Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
