I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I just put wine in my tea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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