you guys were way drunker than both of me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
