Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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