A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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