Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
