You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize