My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
